


I Don't Know

by echoxerk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gay, M/M, i'm sorry in advance, iwa's birthday is inaccurate, oikawa gets beat up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 02:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17013921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoxerk/pseuds/echoxerk
Summary: Oikawa is so in love with Iwaizumi.He was now certain at this very moment.Does Iwaizumi know?





	I Don't Know

Oikawa is so in love with Iwaizumi.

He was now certain at this very moment.

He thinks about him everyday, pesters him day and night. Heck, texts him during class. Iwaizumi's the same but he isn't aware because he's dense as fuck (that's what Oikawa thinks). Sure, Oikawa loves the shower of affection from his swarm of fangirls. It was also a plus factor for being featured in the sports magazine and getting tons of recommendation for modeling. Who wouldn't dig him? But despite all the girls who're dying to have him, he'd still choose Iwaizumi (because why the fuck not?).

Oikawa is well-aware on all of this. Especially the fact that Iwaizumi is sparkling whenever he looks at him. He needs to get a life but he can't stop. Iwaizumi is so heavenly. Oikawa argues with those who think of his Iwa-chan otherwise. He just wouldn't know what to do if Iwaizumi wasn't in his life. Even though Iwaizumi's all grumpy most of the time, Oikawa still loves that side of him because he's an exception to that. Iwaizumi can't turn him down.

Actually, he's been hitting on him every chance he gets and he's sure he has cracked a lot of sweet pick-up lines. Unfortunately, none of them worked. The responses Iwaizumi gave, Oikawa wasn't sure if he heard it right, just too clueless or he was flatly rejected.

"Iwa-chan, I am going to punch you... in the mouth with my own mouth. Softly." Oikawa winks teasingly at Iwaizumi while making kissy faces.

"How can you call it a punch then? Disgusting." Grimaces Iwaizumi.

or

"You know, you gotta stop looking out the window. One of these days you need to recognize how good of a view I am too."

"Why should I if you're telling me to?"

Sometimes Oikawa just finds himself on the edge and he just gives up his sweeping declarations of love. There's always a next time.

"Will you stay forever?"

"For what?"

"For dinner." Oikawa's face just becomes deadpan. He wasn't sure how Iwaizumi took his question.

Does Iwaizumi know? Oh well.

He can wait as long as it can take.

 

To Oikawa, his presence has always been shining, straightforward, direct. And he learned to rely on that throughout the years. From childhood to present, Oikawa finds himself dependent on Iwaizumi, clinging onto him and Iwaizumi just can't leave him by himself. He just got used with Oikawa being there, always.

Iwaizumi was everything Oikawa wanted to be. He took a handle on things better than he could, thought more of it than he did, effortlessly. He tried to be those but better. Iwaizumi thought it was ridiculous because he saw Oikawa above everyone else, including him.

He learned to think from all sides of the point, all of the possibilities, all the habits, the strategies, everything. But everyone could see, even Iwaizumi, that Oikawa was the star in the dark skies. The one everyone looked up to.

The one everyone saw and idolized and wanted to reach but it's too far. Oikawa seemed like a dream to be fulfilled. At least some people think that, except for those close to him. He was a silly and lovable but also a cunning friend.

He made a magnificent friend and teammate but no one dared to get to his bad side. He was the perfect leader.

If he wasn't their captain, what of them?

They're best friends who find what they long in each other.

Oikawa didn't like to admit it but Iwaizumi had his own share of popularity for being the mysterious and athletic senpai. Well, he didn't mind it that much. Unless they were all over their personal space in which Iwaizumi handles quite professionally. How could he not? He was a natural for that.

 

At first he was uncertain. What was he feeling? Surely it was something else. It felt different and in some little way. It felt new. It felt wrong. It ached at the back of his mind knowing that at some point he'd finally figure it out but he never did. Instead, he went in circles.

He couldn't stop thinking of only one thing, his best friend. Iwaizumi Hajime. Grumpy yet lovable. And at times, he was just there. His company was comforting even though their conversations sometimes say otherwise.

Slowly, the truth emerges but acceptance was a long way to go. He was battling with himself and the thoughts of what he think he was and what he really is.

He didn't choose the latter.

It seemed troublesome. Especially if it were to be someone like him. A person that belongs to the crowd.

Not to one.

Not to him.

 

It was Friday and the duo had their usual routines on track. After they practiced, both of them would go to walk home together. But this day was quite different since it's Iwaizumi's birthday. Not much knew that but unfortunately, the group of girls that waited for him at the school gates indicated that it should be a common thing. They couldn't do anything about it.

"Look! It's Iwaizumi-kun and Oikawa-san." They heard one of the girls shout causing heads to turn their way.

Iwaizumi silently groaned, only wishing to go home and eat cake or whatever but Oikawa nudged him at the side.

"This happens once in a while. You should appreciate it." He whispered before going on ahead to meet the crowd.

 

"Don't you get tired of all the attention?" Iwaizumi asks him as they sit down at a family diner to celebrate a little. (Oikawa insisted) He sighs at the sight of a plastic bag full of letters and small gifts. What was he supposed to do with them?

"Me!?" He replies with a whole bucket of sarcasm in his point.

"Suits you." Iwaizumi counters as he takes a sip from his drink. Oikawa just laughs and pulls on a what-can-i-say face, shrugging his shoulders.

And from there, it goes to a point of silence. It happens between them. They like it. Just relaxing together and all. But Oikawa couldn't place himself. He kept glancing at Iwaizumi, hoping a little that he'd stare back too. Oikawa never asked what color his eyes were. It looked dark brown but sometimes it looked green. Confusing, but maybe it's just that way.

Oikawa became more silent. He felt stupid.

 

Soon, Iwaizumi's popularity equaled Oikawa's for the sole result of Oikawa advising it only happens once in a while. At first, they didn't mind until it started to piss both of them off. Alone times were better appreciated than before.

Oikawa was even more infuriated. He couldn't spend time peacefully with his best friend, let alone talk to him casually around fangirls anymore. The way Iwaizumi did with him. And he somehow grew jealous of his friend's popularity surpassing his. Especially the times he hated most where he gets shoved out of the way in the crowd instead of them making way. But he'd still play it cool.

Many girls started asking for his advice, making him pass their love letters and messages to Iwaizumi. He was kind of guilty for throwing the other ones away and didn't tell Iwa-chan a single thing about it.

They'd switched positions now. Oikawa was now the one who had to give stuff to Iwaizumi for little favors.

He started getting desperate. What if he gets a girl? Would Iwaizumi forget him? He wanted attention. He needed more attention. And he needed it now. The greedy bastard.

He tries to guard Iwaizumi and get him away from the girls. Just little by little. Maybe go through the back gate when going home. Somehow it works. What a relief.

But rumors spread and they spread like wildfire. Who is Iwaizumi to Oikawa? Does he swing the other way? If not then why was he acting so rash about other people getting to his friend?

He'd act so close and snag Iwaizumi all to himself.

 

It bothers Oikawa that people stare at him weird. Something bad was bound to come.

He'd been caught by a lot of people just staring dreamily. It was awkward. He tried to be casual about it but he just forgets about it once he's caught in his own little world where staring is okay. No matter who it was, can be appreciated. Just like Iwa, right?

 

Oikawa didn't like it one bit. Soon enough, he becomes very popular again. But not the good kind, he was the best one to pick on.

People bullied him for fun and it becomes a trend among the girls to treat him funny. The boys were oblivious to these events. Well....

Some.

Leaving crumpled papers and mean notes in his shoe locker. Even throw away his shoes.

No one loves him anymore. He hides his pain, forces a smile. His business smile works very well. But Iwaizumi notices something a bit off. He'd become more secretive.

 

It was another Friday afternoon. The clouds were overflowing and the skies, darker than ever. Only Iwaizumi had brought an umbrella so they shared. He'd push Oikawa's buttons on being forgetful at times. But it was okay. There was something he needed to know.

Soon enough, it poured harder and they found themselves taking shelter under a tree. Oikawa jokes a bit but finds it pointless as Iwaizumi doesn't respond at all. He just stares at the ground. Serious and nervous as his eyebrows were stitched together but then goes back to his usual serious face.

Oikawa hears his pulse. Increasing with every passing second. Tension was building up and it was building up fast. He's startled a little as Iwaizumi stares back at him. Striking greenish eyes.

Deep.

As if they were drilling into his soul to find whatever answer he needed.

"I've heard of some things..." Oikawa watched his gaze move to the ground, avoiding his. The hard pitter-pattering of the rain as if far away. And his voice loud and clear and scary. He was afraid.

Oikawa's chest feels heavy. He knew what it was about. And he still refused to accept it. He wasn't like that. Surely, he wasn't. He didn't want to.

"I..."

"Are you..?" Iwaizumi asks and drifts off at the last part.

Oikawa felt betrayed. Iwaizumi didn't look like he'd even believe what he was gonna say. Like their friendship has started falling apart. But then again, he was shocked that he'd even ask that. Like he didn't know enough about him to know it. He wasn't, right?

"You don't actually..." He laughs and chokes as his voice drops. He felt like crying and tried not to.

"I just thi--" Iwaizumi gets cut off by a red-faced Oikawa. Anger and sadness and everything in his face. He looked betrayed.

"You don't believe me!?"

"I just wanted to know it from you. I didn't expect you to react like that." Oikawa couldn't even move. He was stiffly glued to his spot, every inch of his body tense. Confused and angry.

"Are you?" Iwaizumi asks again. This time, more gentle. His face filled with worry, sympathy and curiosity. Oikawa doesn't know the real answer. Was he? Did it even matter? He wanted to avoid it but the problem had grown too big to be ignored.

Tears fall as he clenches his fists and tightens his jaw.

"I ... don't know" He started to cry after that.

Iwaizumi sits down with him and comforts him. Patting his hair, rubbing circles on his back and reassuring him that it's okay and that there's nothing to worry about. It has been a while and night falls. Iwaizumi smiles and him, hugs him tight and leaves.   
He had left his umbrella.

Oikawa folds it up and runs home caressing it in his arms, not caring about the rain. He had other things to worry about

 

One day, he just doesn't show up in practice and everyone in the volleyball club gets worried, especially Iwaizumi. In fact he was very worried.

They call everything off and search for him. Oikawa seemed off more often than ever. His business smile was out of it too.

Oikawa received a note. Says to meet with them to finally settle things with everyone, with Iwa-chan. He goes to the back of the old building, alone and determined.

He was ready to talk but instead, he gets knocked out upside the head, biting his tongue. He coughs out blood but manages to stand up. And they punch him in the face.

Over and over, kicking and hitting until he bleeds and can't stand on his feet. Oikawa still laughs and they hit him harder. How ironic, who could've thought that the solution was this.

But it is.

Everything will be settled once he disappears. Iwa-chan won't be bothered by his silly and idiotic pick-up lines anymore. And he wouldn't need to hope for something in return.

He wanted to disappear.

No more popular gay senpai everyone didn't want. The girls hated him being near Iwaizumi and the boys felt betrayed.

"You're a burden to the society."

Tears fall a bit from his eyes. The pain was excruciating and he felt numb. Every part of his body seemed to burn. His vision blackens out and they finally leave him alone.

The sun had just set but none of them were willing to give up. The search was still on and Hanamaki finally finds him. Everyone rushes quickly towards the direction of the old building. He was unconscious, beaten up to pulp and bruises covered his exposed skin. Even his face was bleeding but the worst part of all was that his body contorted in a funny way. His arm was broken. Iwaizumi was furious.

 

He had the passion to dedicate himself to things that catch his interests. Science-based theories, mostly about outer space and UFOs, and volleyball.

Volleyball. Everyone knows not to mess with him. Not to get on his bad side. Volleyball was on a whole different level. Some nights, he spends watching other team's previous matches, calculating their every move, the way they play, what they think.

On other days, he spends getting excited over some stuff he read on the internet, probably got something about UFOs, Iwaizumi would assume. Not to mention how he handles popularity itself. Iwaizumi gets used to his business smile, for the pictures, for the girls, for TV and for whoever was his audience to impress. But Iwaizumi doesn't care. He'd seen way better than that, his honest smiles, his crying face, the anger, everything.

Iwaizumi has thought all about it for days while Oikawa was still recovering in the hospital. He had secretly been visiting him while he was asleep. Watching him and imagining how he'd apologize. He didn't want him to feel alone and rejected like he already was.

Meanwhile, Oikawa worries. He hasn't seen Iwaizumi for a week now. How was he? Were they still friends? Oikawa knew nothing. He didn't know.

Had he finally gotten himself a girlfriend?

 

Oikawa finally attends class and as usual, he sat beside Iwaizumi. He just can't imagine not being friends with him anymore. They've been best friends since forever. And the company felt natural as it has always been there. It was very awkward and everyone was quiet.

They talk at lunch. Went to the back of the building where no one else would be.

"How's your arm, Shittykawa?" Iwaizumi starts.

"It's fine. I can still play volleyball." He laughs a bit at the little nickname. He missed those.

Silence.

"You still popular, Iwa-chan?" Wow. Applause for a great conversation starter but nonetheless, he smirks annoyingly. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. "Did you just?... Nevermind"

"It's toning down actually. Thank god for that."

"Yeah, whatever Mr. Popular" Oikawa teases again, smiling more. That's a good sign.

"Won't you ask me if I have a girlfriend?" Iwaizumi raises his brows.

Oikawa suddenly becomes quiet again. But he responds. "Do you?" He furrows his brows, a bit sad. He knew he needed to look happy no matter what.

"Idiot! Of course there's none. What about you then?" He flattens down Oikawa's hair and grins wide. Iwaizumi knew what Oikawa felt the day he heard about the circulating rumors. He was sorry that he was oblivious about it at the start. And he knew what he had to do. He didn't regret it one bit.

Oikawa smiles back and he can't help a few tears run down his eyes.

Maybe they'll start slow. Call each other their first names when they're alone. It'd be hard to declare I love you but they'll work on that.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thanks for reading!!! I've only published it now but I actually did this back in 2016 (?)


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